It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected.
Tracy texted me Happy Mother's Day, twice. Nothing else. Just plain old good wishes. No stories, no questions, not even how ya doing, Just have a happy day.
I really truly appreciated that. I don't think you can know how much. Not that there is anything wrong with any of those things. It's just that Tracy usually doesn't understand when more is less appropriate. This was a fantastic big step for her.
And it rained off and on all day. Nothing heavy or violent, just the rain on the roof type of thing. It was a peaceful reminder of you, and it made me smile every time a new shower started.
I think it may have been different for your family. They were quiet for the day, and when I posted about it on Facebook, I thought David's "Yeah" was not enthusiastic. No doubt he has different memories of rain on the roof mother's days. Different associations.
I think of you, nearly always, as resting, or sleeping. You have earned that. You do that. Even if it's a type of nonexistence -- you existed so fully and so intensely while you were here. Yeah, you earned that, too.
I grieve that you never got to sit on my porch in the rain with me, though.
Love you, my girl, wherever you are or aren't. Miss you.
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