josh's favorite

 

Josh O'Toole

Favorites  · May 22  · 

Here's my favorite memory of my cousin Tammy:

Once, when she was ... 6? ... and I was babysitting her, we were eating some watermelon. She asked me about the seeds and why they were there since they didn't taste good and you weren't supposed to eat them anyway. I told her that's how fruit grow more fruit. You plant the seeds and then later, you get a bush or a tree or something that those fruit grow on.

So, then she wanted to save the seeds for me and her to plant and grow a "watermelon tree"

I knew this was ridiculous, but what was the harm? She and I planted a bunch of watermelon seeds, to grow a watermelon tree, on the side of my house (at the time).

Of course, a watermelon tree never grew, but there is a ridiculously tall (taller than normal) Rose-of-Sharon tree at almost that exact spot at my mom and dad's house.

There's your watermelon tree, Tammy. It didn't come out the way we expected, but it's still there.

Jessica's Story.

 

Jessica Kunkel

May 22  · 

I met Tammy on the church bus as an invite from Bible baptist church. I want to say I was either in second or third grade then. Tammy caught my eye wearing what I can remember to be a red velvet looking dress with white lace or outline on it. She was a beautiful little girl. She wore a huge smile on her face. I can still remember this day so clear. She was giggling as she walked back to my seat and asked if I wanted to sit with her. I followed her to the front of the bus, catching glimpse of how much longer her hair was than mine. And those curls were adorable. She introduced me to the bus driver. His name was Jim. He was awesome too. He cared about us kids and would ask us how we were doing. He would invite us over for campfires and spooky stories. The whole atmosphere was inviting. Once I learned that she just lived right down the street from me, we became inseparable. We made sure to make the church bus every Sunday so we could catch up and hang out. Jim and the bus helper taught us many church songs. As we got older we spent church camps together. Those were the best! Lots of swimming and singing on stage to our favorite church songs for karoke night. Spring break and summers either I'd be invited over to her house or her Aunt Jeanies. Or she would stay for as long as I could keep her over at mine. She was there for me during my parents divorce. I didnt take it easy. She took my mind off of things. She got me out of the house. We rode our bikes everywhere, probably the one reason we were so fit back then lol. She always made sure to bring along her cd case to my house so we could swim, sit back and listen, singing together to our favorites from The Dicksy Chicks, Shania Twain, and Britiney Spears. We loved our music. She was a great friend. The one time we had our big fight it was over boys! I didnt approve of who she was was dating, which is her now husband. But none the less she was in love so I let it go. I heard every story there was to tell about that boy. She was a story teller. She was crazy about him. She was a happy girl. One thing I can say is she loved him and always have just as crazy as her day 1 spent with him. And then she would warn me about the bad guys. She was there for me after my first breakup. Then the day I met my now husband, she scorned me for being stupid enough to walk up to a truck of guys handing me a phone number. She hollered at me and we argued all the way home. She wasnt wrong. My dad would have grounded me from leaving the house ever again and more, if he knew. Tammy was a good girl. She kept me out of trouble. Dad was awesome for letting me spend so much time with Tammy. Her family invited me along to Coney Island with them. Her mom picked me up all the time for Wensday nights Master Club at church, or the Mt.Orab library for The Writers Club. We had pretend concerts on her back porch singing our favorites, making up dance moves. She would plan out plays for Halloween and her family would come out and watch us put on our plays, our little Halloween parties. I can even remember a night she invited a few of us girls over and we camped out in her back yard. Tammy loved to plan things out on paper and have things run smoothly as to of planned. And she loved conversation. That girl talked more than anyone I knew. We could go years without talking and pick up where we left off. She had planned our second pregnancy baby showers together. After our babies were born life happened and we kind of just grew apart. We have families of our own now. Tammy was and has always tried hard for her family. Was a hard worker in all and everything she did. And loved hard. I wish I had stopped in a little more these past few years like a friend should have. This just doesnt seem real or fair. But there are worst hurting right now. I cant imagine for her children, her husband and her mother. I will continue to pray for this family. The lords timming doesnt make sense to us. The lord has a plan for her that we just arnt sure of. Im so very Thankful for all Tammy has been there for me, and the memories we have made together. She was The Best!

42You, Jeanie Schmidt, Jericka Hill and 39 others

Raven Remembers.

 

Raven Pitts

May 23  · 

I can't begin to know what to say. 

Tam

 has been my friend for about a couple decades now. It has been complex at times, but always enduring. When I was 18, my uncle threw me out because he found out that I was into girls. This may be confusing to some of you, because my last two relationships were with men. It isn't something I talk about a lot publicly, but it is very much a part of me. One that I wasn't willing to sacrifice to have a place to stay with people who wouldn't accept me. I couch-surfed for a while until I ended up in a shelter, and Tammy was the one who gave me a place to stay. She was hesitant, because I was more of Dave's friend at the time and she didn't know me as personally, but she had a huge heart. She trusted me and invited me into her home. In many capacities, she helped me accept that aspect of my identity. And I got to know her. Before long, she and I were every bit as good friends as I considered myself to be with Dave then. Over time, she grew to be one of my best. When things were rocky, we leaned on each other. There were times she needed me and times when I needed her. Tammy told me about the cancer before anyone else, and I feel horrible because I didn't know what to say. I mean, what do you say to that? I felt like she needed me, but I was so stunned and stupified by the bomb that I just hoped it wasn't true or that a mistake was made somewhere. I tried to be there for her. Sometimes I was working when she reached out, so I had to wait hours to respond. I didn't realize our time would be so short. I would have stopped everything. When we realized that this was advanced and that it was more than we could have imagined, I tried reaching out more and more, but she was so heavily sedated that her words didn't make any sense. She typed back. Some of it was understandable, and some of it was muddled. It was worse trying to talk on the phone. I heard back less and less until eventually I didn't. She passed in her sleep. I told her that I missed and loved her, but I wasn't able to be there physically. I wasn't able to hold her hand or stroke her hair or be any source of true comfort. This stupid pandemic stole that from us. Because of this stupid virus, Tammy spent her last month of life virtually alone. She was scared, alone, confused, and she couldn't fathom why something so horrible would happen to her (and by proxy, her kids).

 She was with the same man her entire life. She kept her very first job throughout her life and supported her children. She never went to the doctor, though on many occasions she complained to me about pains in her back and other symptoms, et cetera...she didn't want to miss work. She never called off. She didn't want to spend money that could be used on her family. That's who she was - selfless. Warm. A giver, through-and-through. She saw good in people regardless of what anyone else saw, myself included. She loved her children and husband more than anything. The last thing I said to her was, "I just miss you, Tam." with a photo we took together with Hailey last year at LaRosa's and another from a trip we took to Walmart. That LaRosa's venture was the last time I would buy her dinner. That Walmart trip was the last time we shopped around together. The last time we would laugh together. But we used to do a lot together. Shopping, movies, eating out, and just visiting at our homes. She didn't like pictures, so I didn't take many of her. I wish I had just said, "Shut up, you're beautiful." She was. She just didn't know it. We made other plans that always fell through. The last time I saw her on purpose was at Hailey's birthday party. The last time I saw her in passing was at McDonald's. But we talked, often. Now that she's gone, there's a huge void. Some of it is guilt of not having better words to say when she needed me. I've always been terrible at comforting people. I do care, but I'm painfully awkward with emotional stuff. I just hope she knew I really loved her. And how much I appreciated her. She is part of why I am who I am today. I will never understand why this had to happen to her of all people and her poor kids. Dave, who has already lost so many people. Her mom. This is fucking bullshit. Fuck cancer. Fuck COVID-19 for being the reason none of us could see her when she needed us. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't even have words for all this but that.

looking for it

 Warren was standing by the back window, arms spread out, a-hollering "Wherizit? wherd it go?"

Then he raced through the kitchen and living room, barreling into the doorway of the second bedroom. He raised his head, wiggled his fingers and shouts. "Here it is! Here it is!"

He did this twice.

The missing 'it'?

Sunbeams; sunlight.